SUICIDE A SILENT MENACE AND NEED FOR PROACTIVE MEASURES – Part 4
b. Suicide note of Cheyenne Allison.
To the man and woman who adopted a helpless child when she was brought to them;
To the teachers who never really cared and ignored my problems;
To my fellow “sluts”, “misfits”, et al, who will no doubt receive more abuse upon my passing, as my tormentors will no longer have me to push around;
To those who never cared, never spoke, probably never knew my name;
To the one true friend, whose caring was the only thing that prevented this even from happening sooner;
To the God, if he does exist, who chose to play a cruel joke on me when he placed me where he did and surrounded me with so many uncaring faces.
To all of you, I say goodbye.
I am leaving a world to which I never truly belonged or fit in. Do not weep or mourn for me. I say this not because I expect to be missed, but to allow those who truly did not care go on with their lives with a clean conscience and dry eyes. I know you don’t want to weep for me. Don’t but I do ask you to listen to the final words of a girl who has taken charge of her own destiny.
Perhaps my parents might feel something inside which causes them to shed tears. They may pretend that it’s sorrow for their “loss” but I hope it is something else. Perhaps sorrow for bringing a child into this world when they really didn’t have the time or desire to raise her. I wasn’t the product of love, born of a desire to prepare another human being to grow and lead the human race. I was merely the next acquisition, the next task and the next project on their significant list of things. No child should be brought into this world for the mere purpose of being just another possession. I am not an asset to be catalogued and listed on your tax forms beside your house and car or fought over during your divorce processes. I am a human being. I’m sorry that it took this to make you realize that. If you don’t, then I’m even sorrier.
What about my teachers? Will they be sorry to see another student become a statistic? Certainly, the administration and Principal will mourn, as my death will not reflect well on them as an institution. I apologize for making the statistics for your administration worse. I don’t expect your false sympathies.
My fellow students, especially those who made a more significant impact on my life, I know better than to expect my tormentors to mourn. Those who belittled me, if I failed to include you, I guess that’s not entirely accurate. James Scott, you used me for your pleasure and threw me away humiliating me in front of many other classmates. I must single out Baylee Bevins and Tylah Forbes for their tremendous dedication to the cause of destroying any shred of self-esteem I might dare to foster. Why can’t you accept the things that make other people different rather than insisting everyone conforms to your will? Sure, some did offer friendly gestures. Wilson often greets me and ask about my life.
I can only conceive of one person in this world who will truly be sad at my parting. Charlotte, my best friend, you earlier talked me out of this decision three times. That is why I did not tell you anything this time and why I do this alone in secret. I wish you were coming with me on this great adventure, into the final frontier. Where ever I go, yours will be the one face I carry with me. The one soul I will miss. Yours is also the only forgiveness I ask and beg for as I depart from this life. I love you always.
I do not know if what awaits me when I get down off this rope. Will there be a void? Or will I come face to face with God? I just don’t care anymore. If you’re anything like your people, I wouldn’t want to know you. Even if I could know you were different, well, I still reject you. You have left your “followers” to treat people like me poorly. You have allowed so many of the people you “love”, including me, to suffer. You want me to trust you with my life? I don’t want to spend eternity with a deity like you or with the company you keep.
As my final moments tick away, I wonder what impact these words will create. It depends. I doubt whether school administration will want such venom spoken publicly about their lack of caring. Will students pause and pay attention to the hurting hearts around them? And even if they do, will it be a temporary salve for their egos, to convince themselves they’re really not bad people or will real change happen?
Farewell forever. I am going to another place. Where, I do not know. But logic dictates that it can only be an improvement. Perhaps my passing will only prove a footnote in a school yearbook. Then again, perhaps the sacrifice of one might bring hope to others. If my death makes life for one person a little more bearable or a little more enlightened, do I really die in vain?
c. Leelah Alcorn. If you are reading this, it means that I have committed suicide and obviously failed to delete this post from my queue. Please don’t be sad, it’s for the better. The life I would’ve lived isn’t worth living in… because I’m transgender. I could go into detail explaining why I feel that way, but this note is probably going to be lengthy enough as it is. To put it simply, I feel like a girl trapped in a boy’s body.
d. Suicide Note of Wendy Orlean Williams. The act of taking my own life is not something I am doing without a lot of thought. I don’t believe that people should take their own lives without deep and thoughtful reflection over a considerable period of time. I do believe strongly, however, that the right to do so is one of the most fundamental rights that anyone in a free society should have. For me, much of the world makes no sense, but my feelings about what I am doing ring loud and clear to an inner ear and a place where there is no self, only calm.
e. On 31 of March 2021, Peter Diyouh reported of a 16-year-old Form 4 student (call him Makombe Peter), of Baptist High school Nyanama in Uganda, who committed suicide as a birthday gift to his mother on her birthday. ‘On today’s special day, I want you to be the happiest ever. Everyday you used to say that happiness left you the day I was born. You told me dad left because of me. So today, I want to change things. I want you to be very happy and live as if I never existed. You told me you’d never look at me with love but always loved you and admire you as the best mom on earth. I hope one day you will think of me, hope in heaven you will finally hold me and kiss me. The best gift I could ever give you is leaving your life as you’ve always wanted, wishing I was never born. I love you mom. Happy birthday’.
15. There are a couple of other suicide notes which imprints themselves on one’s memory. In 2019, a sergeant of the Nigerian Army hung himself in Mambilla Barrack due to family problems. He accused his wife of interfering with his job. Similarly, in 2020, a private soldier serving at OPERATION LAFIYA DOLE shot himself and left a note which indicated that he was wrongly accused of stealing a cell phone. He made effort for his superiors to hear his own side of the story but they refused to listen to him. Coupled with battle fatigue at the theatre, he decided to call it quit. In 2018, 2 incidences of suicide occurred in Mogadishu Cantonment where a soldier hung himself because the wife threatened to end the union. The second soldier while the other committed the act without leaving a note. One touchy letter was written by a university graduate at Karu. She had written a letter of thanks to her parents and she apologized for not being the daughter that she felt that they wished for. Her clarity of thought, her use of language was one saddening. Reading her words felt like an invasion of her privacy while still alive at that time. All of these ‘final’ letters and many more are heart breaking.
COMMENTS AND THE WAY FORWARD TO REDUCE SUICIDE INCIDENTS
16. Suicidal thinking can happen to anyone. Although the WHO posits that there is a strong connection between trauma, mental illness and suicide but some incidents are not linked to health issues. To reduce the scourge of suicide in Nigeria the federal and states government need to establish Suicide Prevention Centres with sufficient counselors and psychologists. Government and private institutions as well as hospitals could be mandated to also create counseling departments in their medical facilities to cater for suicide prevention.
17. As stated earlier, the Nigerian Navy operates the Divisional System. Depending on the Unit’s size, every ship; be it floating or stone frigate, is divided into departments. Each department have Divisional Officers (DO). As a routine, DOs meet weekly with personnel of respective Divisions to appraise the performance of the Department or Division. Such meetings afford DOs some level of intimacy with the men. It also builds, confidence, promotes understanding, mutual interactions and trust among members of the department such that any noticeable decline in the performance or behaviour of a member it could be timely addressed through counseling to nib the problem in the bud. The divisional system has rescued many Nigerian navy personnel who had contemplated suicide as an option to end their existence.
18. The role of family members, friends or peer groups in reducing the spate of suicide is indisputable. The notes written by Cheyenne Allison and Makombe Peter indicate that their parents did not plan to have them. This informed the lack of attention and care given to them. Worse still is the mother of Makombe who constantly traumatised her son with regrets that happiness left her the day he was born, moreover, his dad left because of him. Meaning that he was not needed and he has been the source of sorrow and pain in her life. Bill Zeller expected the home to be her last hope but it turned out to be a torture chamber. The parents were not friendly such that she could not disclose to them that she was raped at the age of 8 years. Zeller also noticed that, her parents harbored hatred against other people which she could not accept. Family members particularly parents, should to be parents indeed in order to reduce the scourge of suicide in their families especially young adults.
19. In schools, teachers and management staff should be meticulous in observing their students. Teacher Adetola and the school management would progbably have lost Yusuf but for the careful attention paid in his attitudinal change and declining academic performance. Thus, it behooves on teachers and the management staff that superintend over institutions and organizations including communities to establish centres or branches where staff or fellow countrymen with emotional challenges could go for counseling sessions. These mechanisms if made practicable would effectively curb or reduce the scourge of increasing suicide incidents among citizens.
End.
References
1. Tzetzes John (2015), Allergies of Illiad. Harvard University Press.
2. Ken Nwuba (2007), How to Handle Trouble and Stress. Creative Forum Nigeria Ltd.
3. Emile Durkheim (1997), Suicide and Sociology (1897). English Version Pub in 1952).
4. Thomas Howard Suitt (2021), High Suicide Rates among USA Service members and Veterans of Post 9/11 Wars. Boston University Press.
5. Cambridge Dictionary (1995) Cambridge University Press.
6. Zweli Mkhize ( Jan 2021), COVID-19 Unites Friends and Rivals, Keith Gottschalk University Press.
7. From Depression to Suicide. This Day Newspaper, 11 March 2021.
8. Fifteen Years Old Girl Commit Suicide in Calabar, Vanguard Newspaper, 13 May 2021.
9. WHO, (August 2019) Suicide in the World: Global: Health Estimates.
10. WHO: Suicide Statistics, https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/suicide (2021).
11. Timothy J Leggs, Depression: Symptoms, Causes and Treatment, Health Journal https://www.healthline.com/health/conversion-disorder (2017).
12. American Centre for Disease Control, https://www.cdc.gov (2021).
